Article: Charlotte's Uptown Magazine Features
Interview with Family Law Attorney Gena Morris
February 2008 Uptown Magazine interview with Horack Talley Family Law attorney Gena Morris:
Valentine’s Day isn’t exactly divorce attorney Gena Morris’s favorite holiday, but it
is good for business. Here are a few thoughts on marriage and relationship from someone who can identify with the Pat Benatar oldie, “Love Is a Battlefield.”
SJ: What kinds of things tear couples apart?
GM: Marriage killers:
- Failure to communicate (not enough listening)
- Money (somebody is making it and someone else is spending it); too
much money can be as hard on marriage as not enough - Unrealistic expectations. (‘Cinderella’ should be outlawed)
- Boredom, which morphs into apathy
- Lack of forgiveness (Little stuff grows bigger over time)
- Joint bank accounts
- Not enough joy and laughter. Fake it til you feel it if you must
- TVs in bedrooms
- Not enough random acts of kindness
- Porn
- Sex with other people (together or separately)
I think the best advice I have ever heard but never followed is from a divorce lawyer friend of mine. She and her husband have Amnesty Day every year on Nelson Mandela’s birthday. They go out on a date and pledge to forgive and forget the
other’s transgressions for the preceding year.
SJ: Can you see where a couple went wrong and how they would’ve changed course?
GM: There is usually not the obvious left turn. When people tell me they didn’t see it coming, I always think they must not have be paying attention.
SJ: Do you think people give up too easily, or are the majority of your clients
overdue for separation?
GM: I send people to marriage counselors and tell them to try a little harder all the time. However, most people have exhausted all hope before they make that first
call to the divorce lawyer. I do think, however, that some people bail out when they
hit their first rough patch. In NC, you can’t even file for a divorce until you have lived separate and apart for a year and a day. We want people to have to think about it. Perhaps we should do that on the front end.
SJ: The old stereotype is that the man leaves his wife for the younger, hotter secretary…is that an accurate one, or is there another scenario that is becoming
more common?
GM: I think just as many women cheat on their husbands. The women just don’t
get caught. Women are certainly initiating as many separations as men are.
Women just don’t stick around and take it like they used to.
SJ: Does your job make you less or more hopeful about the institution of marriage?
GM: I am hopeful and cautiously optimistic about the institution of marriage. The
stats may not be as bad as we hear. There are some serial marries out there who
skew the numbers. I do not believe the divorce rate of first marriages around here is anywhere near 50%. I am still old school, but my mom always told me girls needed
to be able to fend for themselves. She said you always have to have a little of your
own money. I think she’s exactly right. I think people have a better shot at a long
and happy marriage if they are over 30 when they get married and if they have dated
for at least 13 months. Why rush it? The odds are not good if you get married
because
she’s pregnant. Cheating tends to be a recurring problem. If it happened
in his first marriage, it will likely happen in his second. Also, a little common sense goes a long way. If he is a drunk jerk while you’re dating, he’ll be a bigger drunk jerk once you’re married.
I believe in gutting it out so long as you’re doing the right thing by your children. I
think it’s naïve when people say they are staying together for their children. Children don’t miss much. If your marriage is bad, why would you want your child to have
a front row seat?
You can reach Sheri at sheri@uptownclt.com
704 / 377.2500